Anyone else having a weird year? I’ve had so many changes in my life this first half of the year that I’m just expecting the unexpected for the rest of the year.

If you’ve read my blog post, End of a Season, you’ll know that last year I felt led to quit my job for many reasons. One of the big reasons was a need to learn a lesson on humility. I felt like God wanted me to see how my poor attitude at my job in higher education was giving me this huge pride complex that I needed to knock off. 

Philippians 2:3 states, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”

I was letting my emotions run the show at work. I thought my work and education deserved more recognition. I truly was living in selfish ambition, but God, full of grace, put me on a path to correction. About two years before I quit, the Holy Spirit began showing me passages in the Bible that spoke directly to prideful attitudes. This conviction led me to prayer about what I needed to do about my work attitude. And this prayer led me to fully committing my trust to God’s plan for my life.

Things at work weren’t going the way I wanted them to go, my way wasn’t working. I’ve always believed in God. I’ve always believed that my God is an all-knowing God, but I never put my absolute full trust in His will for my life. I always wanted a say in it. I always wanted to feel like I could create this great path for myself if I worked hard enough. What I failed to realize is I was putting myself first when I should have been putting God first. 

I’ve come to know that God’s will is perfect, and mine is mediocre at best. Why wouldn’t I want perfect? Why would I keep settling for something less than perfect? And so, daily, I make a conscience effort to put God first.

It is not easy. My flesh self easily gives into herself and envy, greed, idolatry, and pride regularly rear their ugly heads. Thankfully we are forgiven. 1 John 1:9 tells us, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” But this faith journey compels us to learn from our past sins and try to do better the next time. 

And so to combat my pride and selfish ambition, I quit my job so I could fully trust that God would take care of everything and put me on the path He wants me on.

But I never thought in a million years that he would want me to go back to my old job. I thought that chapter in my life was over and we were working on new things. 

Over the past year that I’ve been unemployed I found myself in the right place at the right time constantly. I got to travel a lot and learned lessons I might not have had I not been in the situation God had put me in. I was available to help my family in ways that wouldn’t have been possible if I were working full time. A huge change came to my family’s business and I was available to help them when they needed it most. 

This year off of work was not random. It was God’s will. He needed me to be available at exactly this time. Putting my trust in His plan was definitely the right decision. And because He had been convicting me of my pride I was able to go into those situations and put others needs above my own. I had no selfish ambition, I just made myself available to help.

Learning to trust God’s plan is an ongoing process. If you could hear my inner dialogue in prayer you would know how much arguing and whining I do, but in the end this is my Kingdom Journey and I’m trying my best to trust in God’s will.

And this is where I find myself now. Back at the very job He had me quit a year before.

You see, I was praying one evening, one of those prayers of trust. I just asked God if this next season of my life was in line with His will or if I should be doing something different. I asked Him to be very obvious with me because I’m not always the most astute when it comes to hearing His voice. I don’t know if any of you do this, but I always ask Him to make it thunderously clear to me so I don’t miss it.

The very next day my old boss called me and offered me my job back.

Had I asked for a sign as clear as lightning it would have struck me.

For two days I agonized over the decision to go back. I talked it over with family. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I went over different options that might work best if I did go back. I fought with myself as pride tried to sneak its way into my decision. Surely I couldn’t return to a job I quit with my tail between my legs.

But God’s will was clear. He wanted me to go back.

And so here I am, back at the job that came with so much confliction about ambition, about passion, about worthiness, about wasted time. 

I feel apprehensive to get sucked back into a job where I know I won’t get any opportunity for advancement. I don’t have any fairytale dreams about living a life as a college registrar. I don’t want to spend my days doing the same thing over and over and over again. 

Trusting God’s path does not make any sense to me right now, but it doesn’t need to.

Do you remember the story of Joseph in the Bible?

His brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. He has falsely accused of rape. He spent 12 years in prison for a crime he did not commit. Can you imagine going through all of this and still trusting in God’s path? Joseph did. And because he did he became second in command of all of Egypt and saved his whole family from famine thus saving the twelve tribes of Israel including Judah, the line from which Jesus was born. Joseph could have put his selfish ambitions first. He could have let pride run his life. But he was righteous and trusted in God’s plan. I’m sure Joseph never would have dreamed he would be the ruler of a foreign nation. 

God’s plan will always be something we could never even imagine because He can see things we cannot. And our God is a God of good and so in the end, His plan for our lives will be good. But we have to put our trust in Him. It may seem like the least likely path forward, but He is the God of possible. 

I don’t know why God wants me back at my old job, but I’m trusting in His plan. Maybe I’m here for just six months, maybe I’ll be here for 6 years. Maybe I’m here to reach one person. Maybe I’m here to change the culture of the college. Maybe I’m here because it’s the safest place for me to be should war break out in our world. Maybe I’m here because I need to learn new lessons. 

Whatever the reason, I’m trusting in God’s will. I’ll try to be a light to my office and the people I interact with. I’ll try to spread God’s word in whatever opportunity He gives to me. I’ll try my best to give Him all the Glory. 

Jesus said, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Let’s all be lights in this next season of our lives wherever it may take us.